By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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