rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also, beer. Big fan.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
