Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
