we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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