Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
