i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
