Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
