He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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