Just cropdusted the office
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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