you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
