took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
