she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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