I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
