if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
