well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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