the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I smell like Dick and happiness
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
