Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
