you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
