If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
