I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wish my penis had a tongue
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
