I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
