There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
