Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
