M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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