everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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