Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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