I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
