No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
