omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
