Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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