i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dicks are not precious.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
