we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
