he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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