My balls are so social today.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
