so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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