I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
