cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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