I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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