The maid of honor just puked.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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