god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
