Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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