it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
