Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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