I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
