I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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