The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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