she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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