I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
