You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you never un-have a 4some
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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