And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
