So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
