I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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