She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
